Emrys Lost
by nantasyland
Summary: Set in Season 3, after Episode 4 ("Gwaine"). At the dragon's urgent call, Merlin faces an evil sorcerer bent on destroying Camelot, but loses himself.
1. Chapter 1

Emrys Lost

Chapter 1

He's outside lying on his back. That he can tell from the contrast of the warmth of the sun and the cool breeze on his face. He tries to open his eyes slowly; they feel glued shut. When he can see, he is staring up at a windy sky, clouds scudding fleetingly across the blue.

He hurts. Everywhere. He feels a hard object pressing into his back. A rock? No. He's holding it. He can feel his arm bent behind his back grasping the object. A sword, from the way his hand is holding it.

Slowly he tries to turn onto his side. He brings his arm out from underneath, still grasping the sword. He lifts it with difficulty; it's heavier than he expected. He studies it as the sun glints on the golden inscription. 'Cast me away,' he makes out on the side he is looking at. "_What does that mean?_" He wonders.

He tries to sit up. The unexpected dizziness knocks him back. When he comes to again, he sees that the sun has moved. "_An hour has passed_," he thinks. "_At least_." He tries to sit up again. This time he makes it, but is overcome by nausea, and vomits on to the ground. He falls back again. Too soon. Can't move yet.

A while later, he raises his head to see where he is. Nothing looks familiar, and he realizes he is alone. It's quiet, so quiet. Not even bird song.

He wipes his hand across his face and it feels like it's painted with an oily substance. He looks at his hand and sees that it's covered by black soot that has a faint burnt odor. "_What is that stuff_?" he thinks.

This time, he makes it to a sitting position, his head hanging down, panting. It hurts. Everything hurts. He checks his body. The black soot coats everything. Nothing seems to be broken as far as he can tell. He's still holding the sword, and looks at it again, still puzzled. He sets it aside. "_Whose is that?"_ He feels fairly certain that it isn't his.

"_Where am I?"_ He doesn't recognize the woods or the lay of the land. Thirsty. He realizes he's thirsty. Raising his head and looking around, he catches a glimpse of something sparkling in the sunlight to his left. A stream. He uses the sword to lever himself up and slowly makes his way in the direction of the water. He starts to kneel down at the side of the stream, and ends up falling partly into the water. "_Well, that's the fast way to wash_," he chuckles to himself. It hurts to laugh. He drinks, and then tries to wash his face and hands. He puts his hand to the side of his head, just in front of his ear. Blood. He sees blood. He lies back down, curling up on his side, closing his eyes. He hurts. Everywhere.

"_I see someone_," he hears a voice calling. He opens his eyes again, but sees no one. His eyes close when the dizziness hits him again. The voice comes again, "_over here_." He keeps his eyes closed and groans. His head is pounding. He tries to lift his head to look around and locate the voice. Vertigo overcomes him, and he puts his head down again. The voice is more insistent, "_help me_!" He doesn't hear the quiet footsteps of a small group of people approaching carefully. He opens his eyes at a gentle touch, and sees a sad-eyed older man with grey waves of hair framing his face, wearing a long blue robe. He tries to scramble away, but can't get up. The man who is kneeling beside him with his hand on his shoulder turns his head to look behind at others approaching. "_It's Emrys_," he hears the same voice call out.

"What's Emrys?" he says. The man laughs, but the injured man hears no sound. The grey-haired man gestures to the others, who gather around and pick him up. He tries to struggle, but has no strength. The sword he had cast away is gone, replaced by a stout stick. "_Was it ever there?"_ he wonders. He is lifted up by gentle hands and carried away.

xXx

The Druid healer examines the body of the young man who had been brought into his tent. The boy's clothes have been removed, and he can see the evidence of thousands of stings and the physical reaction to them. He washes the oily black substance from the body, and applies ointment to the injuries. He covers the slender boy with a soft blanket. The young stranger still sleeps.

The grey-haired man enters the tent. "These were no ordinary insects, Iseldir," the healer tells the other man. "There is some dark magic at work here that I don't understand."

"Maybe he will be able to tell us when he wakes." Iseldir says.

"He's lucky to be alive."

xXx

The young man stirs, his eyes fluttering open. He must have fainted again because when he opens his eyes again he is on a pallet inside a tent. A young woman sits nearby watching him. When she sees his eyes open again, she rises and leaves the tent without a word. The grey-haired man in the blue robe returns with the healer and sits near the young man on the cot.

"_You're safe now, Emrys_," he hears but doesn't respond. Other than the voice all he can hear is a persistent buzzing noise. He still hurts, but the intensity has been alleviated. He senses he is naked under the blanket, his body slathered in some kind of sweet smelling ointment that cools his skin and relieves the burn. "_Emrys, can you hear me?"_

"How can I hear you?" he asks, his voice barely a croak. "You're not talking."

_"__Open your mind, Emrys. You will hear and be able to answer."_

"_What happened? It hurts."_

_"You don't remember?"_

_"No. Nothing."_

The healer speaks aloud, "Emrys, can you hear me?"

"I can see your mouth moving." The young man watches the faces of the two other men in the tent, seeing them talk, but hearing nothing above the buzzing. He knows that he had been carried here and cared for. But beyond waking in a haze of pain in the forest, he remembers nothing else. In his head he hears them and they appear to address him as Emrys, though he doesn't recognize the word.

"Water, please," he says, his voice rasping from discomfort, trying to reach out with a hand, trying to push himself up.

The healer rises and pours some water into a goblet. He sits behind the young man to support him so he can drink. The cool water burns his throat as he swallows. He closes his eyes and slumps against the older man. The healer gently lowers him back down to lie on the cot.

"Iseldir," the healer says as he stands looking down at the young man, "I think he's deaf." He adds, "there was some blood in and around his ears, which would indicate some kind of serious blow to both sides of his head."

"That thunder we heard yesterday, could that have done it?"

"It would have had to be very close to cause this damage. Something must have exploded; he was covered with this black soot."

"Strange. I wonder what happened?" Iseldir muses aloud.

"We won't know unless he remembers and can tell us. He was in the middle of whatever it was."

"It was violent to have done such damage."

"It may have caused only a temporary loss of his hearing and memory." The healer pauses, "I will give him something to ease his pain, but it will make him sleep. Talk now, if you must."

"No, let him rest."

The healer nods in understanding, stepping over to a small chest at the other side of the tent. He quickly mixes some powders into a goblet of water, swirling it around to dissolve. He steps back to the cot, sitting once again next to the young man. He touches his shoulder, and holding his arm, pulls him up a bit, bracing him. "_Drink this_," he conveys silently, touching the young man's mouth with the goblet. The young man blinks open his eyes and tries to reach for the goblet to drink. The healer guides his hand and he drinks wincing at the taste and the burn in his throat. He collapses back onto the cot.

Iseldir looks at the young man, "_sleep now and recover. You are safe here, and welcome, Emrys._"

"_Who is_ _Emrys_?" is his last thought before sleeping again.


	2. Chapter 2

Emrys Lost

Chapter 2

"Gaius, where is he?" Arthur demands. He is sitting in his favorite chair, resting his head on the fur thrown over the back, one leg hooked over the chair's arm, looking over to where Gaius is standing near the door. He had sent a guard to find Merlin when he didn't bring in his breakfast this morning. Gaius came instead.

Gaius shifts uncomfortably, clears his throat. He is unsure whether to cover for Merlin's absence or to admit that he doesn't know where Merlin is. Merlin had vanished in the middle of the night without leaving any clue as to his whereabouts. Gaius feels sure that Merlin wouldn't leave for good without saying goodbye. In the end, he settles for the truth, preferring to let Merlin chance Arthur's anger at his absence rather than lie and perhaps put Merlin in greater danger because of the lack of concern. He looks steadily at Arthur, who is swinging his leg impatiently.

"I don't know, Sire. He wasn't in his room this morning. I'd hoped he was with you."

"No. He didn't show up this morning." Arthur sounds clearly displeased. "Did he say anything last night about his plans?"

"No. He came in much later than usual, and collapsed in bed. He didn't even pause long enough to eat supper."

"Long day yesterday. Then he had to catch up on his chores after the feast."

Arthur pushes Merlin too hard, Gaius feels. He also thinks that sometimes Arthur deliberately goads Merlin just to get a rise out him, seeming to enjoy Merlin's quick tongue when he was pushed to assert himself. But, then again, Arthur no doubt believes that Merlin is just a servant who needed to be reminded of his place from time to time. Setting additional chores for Merlin to do is an effective way of accomplishing that reminder. Arthur gets up from the chair and walks over to the window near the fireplace and gazes out while waiting for Gaius's reply.

"I don't think that would have precipitated a sudden departure, Sire. He's used to working hard."

"If you hear from him, let me know immediately. I won't tell my father he's gone missing again." Arthur looks around back at Gaius, then turns away to the window again in a clear sign of dismissal. He doesn't see Gaius's bow as he quietly leaves Arthur's chamber.

"_Why did he go_?" Arthur thinks to himself. He well knows his father's view on the value of servants, and doesn't want to see Merlin punished or lose his place because of his unexplained absence from Camelot. He also knows that his father would not allow him to go look for Merlin. He'll put it out of his mind for now, he decides. Let Merlin come home when he comes home.

xXx

When he wakes again, he is alone in the tent. He is naked under the soft covers, and is in much less pain than before. He sits up and looks around for his clothes, tossing the blanket aside. As he starts to stand, a young girl enters the tent and sees him. She giggles, blushes and quickly leaves as he snatches up the blanket again.

She runs to fetch the healer who tells her to bring water and some broth for the young man. She scurries off.

The healer enters the tent and sits on a stool next to the cot. "Can you hear me?" He asks. No response. He tries again sending his thoughts out. "_Can you hear me?_" This time, a response.

"_Yes in my head. How?"_

_"__You are a natural telepath, Emrys. Few have the gift."_

_"__But I can't hear you when you speak."_

_"__What do you hear?"_

"_Just a buzzing noise_."

The healer nods, and kneels over to examine the young man; he sits back, pleased with his progress. "_You're feeling better?"_

_"Yes. Thank you. Much better."_

_"Shayna is bringing you something to eat. You need to recover your strength."_

_"And some clothes? Please?"_

The healer laughs, "_of course, Emrys."_

_"Why do you call me Emrys?"_

_"That is your name, among our people."_

_"How do you know who I am?"_

At that moment, Iseldir enters in time to hear the question, and sends his thoughts out, "_because of the prophecies. Your coming has been foretold_."

"_What_?" Emrys looks startled. "_I don't remember who I am or how I got here, and you say you knew I was coming here? Have we met before?_"

"_No, but we will meet again, Emrys, in the course of your journey_."

The blushing young girl returns with some food and water, which he accepts with a smile of thanks. She giggles again as she leaves the tent.

"_I see you've charmed young Shayna_," Iseldir smiles.

Emrys blushes himself, recalling his nakedness. "_Tell me who I am_," he begs Iseldir silently. "_Please. I need to know_."

Iseldir begins, "_you are Emrys, destined become the most powerful warlock ever to walk the earth_." Emrys snorts, hearing this. Iseldir continues, "_you and the Once and Future King are foretold to unite the land of Albion and restore magic to the land_."

"_Forgive me, but this all sounds rather far-fetched. What does it even mean?"_

xXx

Days pass, and he feels at peace living with the Druids, walking around their camp, content to enjoy the sights and sounds of a people busy with their own lives. He helps out where he can, pleased with small accomplishments. "_No wonder Morgana wanted to stay with them_," he thinks inexplicably. He doesn't know who Morgana is or why she suddenly came to mind. "_Progress_?" he thinks.

As the buzzing in his head abates, his hearing improves. He now feels a tingling in his fingertips, which Iseldir tells him is his magic returning. He plays with his magic, testing it. He can barely get a candle to light; Shayna laughs at him as she lights all of the candles in the tent at once.

So he lives each day, feeling his magic grow stronger, though he has difficulty controlling it. It's instinctive, elemental, coming from deep within his soul without his conscious thought. Sometimes, it just happens. Shayna seems to take delight in this, giggling at each mishap. The sound of her laughter is like musical bells.

He tries not to think of the prophecies that Iseldir has told him about Emrys. They make no sense to him. Is he even Emrys? The Druids must have the wrong person. He has less magical ability than a simple-minded child. How is he supposed to become this great warlock? How can he accomplish what the Druids foretell if he doesn't know who he is, or who they are talking about. The Once and Future King and his Kingdom of Albion mean nothing to him.

The Druid's life is peaceful and serene, the people kind and gentle. But, something is missing. As pleasant and soothing as it is among the Druids, he feels torn and broken and empty. Lost. He's lost who he is, and what he's supposed to be.


	3. Chapter 3

Emrys Lost

Chapter 3

When several days pass, and Merlin still hasn't returned, Arthur is concerned that something has happened to him. Merlin's gone missing before, but usually for only a few hours, and would always show up again with a flimsy excuse and a ready smile. This isn't like him. He resolves to ask Gaius again if he's heard anything from Merlin.

Finished with his breakfast, he pushes himself back from the table, and signals to the waiting servant that he can remove the tray. He crosses the room to the cupboard to retrieve his red quilted under jacket, and is tying the fastenings, standing near the bed, when his father walks in unannounced. The kitchen servant is stacking the dishes on his breakfast tray at the table. Uther glances at the serving boy, watching as he bobs his head and silently leaves the room.

"Where is your servant, Arthur?" he asks.

"He's not here."

"Clearly." Uther takes a seat at the table, reaching for a goblet and the water carafe to pour himself a drink. "Has he run away again?"

"No," Arthur says. At his father's raised eyebrow, he amends, "I don't know."

"He can easily be replaced, you know." Uther takes a drink of water, regarding Arthur over the rim.

Arthur settles his chainmail onto his shoulders and shakes his head. "He'll be back."

"Well, if he does decide to come back to Camelot, I hope that you'll make sure that he is suitably punished for leaving without permission." Uther gives Arthur a stern look and sets the empty goblet on the table and stands, ready to leave. "Let's go. We have petitioners waiting in the throne room this morning."

"Yes, Father. Coming," Arthur says, fastening his belt. He grabs his cloak from the chest near the door as he follows his father from the room.

xXx

On his way to the practice field after holding court at his father's side, he spots Gaius heading up to the Citadel from the Lower Town, and calls him over. "Any word?" He asks, without any preliminaries.

Gaius takes this as a measure of Arthur's worry about his servant rather than rudeness in its clear abruptness. "Nothing, Sire," he answers. "I've asked my suppliers to keep an eye out, and have written to his mother. No sign of him anywhere." He looks at Arthur sternly as if willing him to take some action. "I'm worried about him."

"How far could the idiot go without a horse?" Arthur looks oddly embarrassed and adds, "I spoke to Master Seward. No horses were taken from the stables."

"Ah. Of course, Sire." Gaius says. "I'm sure he'll come back. Merlin will always find a way back."

"Yeah, I suppose. If he were going for good he would have said goodbye somehow. He did that once before." Arthur makes a snap decision and shouts to one of the squires on the field, "Aurelius, attend me."

He changes direction and heads for the stables instead. He calls to Tyr Seward, the stable boy, to saddle Llamri for him, ready to ride in an hour. With Aurelius at his heels, he heads to his chambers. With Aurelius's assistance, he removes his armor and chain mail, and dons more comfortable clothing for a journey in search of his servant. He laughs aloud at the absurdity: the Crown Prince of Camelot, off on a quest to find his missing manservant.

He sends Aurelius to the kitchen for some food and a water skin to take with him, instructing him to bring the pack to the stables. He grabs his bedroll, sword, and crossbow, thinking, "_getting ready for a trip is a lot easier when Merlin does it_," chuckling again. His spirits have lifted simply as a result of taking action to try to find Merlin.

Aurelius meets him at the stables with a pack. "Tell my father I've gone hunting in the Forest of Essetir, if he asks," he tells the squire.

"Do you need assistance, Sire?" Aurelius asks.

"No. Thank you. I've all I need." Arthur plots out possible routes to take through the forest, so as to visit as many habitation and villages as possible to make inquiries. He mounts Llamri, muttering to himself, "where are you, Merlin?" Llamri perks up her ears, shakes her head, and snuffles; she follows Arthur's commands willingly through the Camelot eastern gate to the road through the woods.

But shortly down the road as they head out of Camelot, the horse rears her head and shakes it again vigorously, ignoring Arthur's pull on the reins. Instead, Llamri trots immediately to the wide meadow a short distance outside Camelot's walls.

"_This is where we faced the dragon_," Arthur thinks. He remembers the terror he had felt that day when he and the knights, with Merlin following, rode out of Camelot to do battle with the great dragon. Merlin's brave and foolish gesture to insist on coming along on what was doubtless a suicide mission mystified him.

He remembers sitting on his restless horse, wearing his heavy armor and helmet, waiting among the knights arranged in a circle, waiting for the dragon to make its nightly attack run on Camelot. But after the dragon swept through, and killed most of the knights, and knocked Arthur out after Arthur's wild desperate sword strike, it was Merlin – unarmed, unarmored Merlin - who was the only man left standing. It was Merlin, with a wide grin, who told him when he came to that he had dealt the dragon a mortal blow, that the dragon was gone. When Arthur thinks of it, he relives the feeling of exhilaration and relief he felt that night.

But now, Arthur looks around at the meadow and wonders why Llamri brought him here. Arthur tries to control Llamri, but the horse is pacing around nervously, snorting the air, before she settles down and heads off to the east at a full gallop.

Arthur tries to regain control of his horse, to guide her to the road that would lead to the nearby households to inquire about Merlin. But Llamri again refuses to follow his commands and carries him into the Forest of Essetir. She eventually slows when they reach a small clearing in the forest. Llamri becomes very restive, bucking and neighing as she charges around the clearing. Arthur dismounts and releases her, knowing the horse won't go far.

Once on his feet, he looks around more closely. He sees a fine black powder covering the ground, with areas where it had been disturbed. He crouches down and rubs the black dust between his fingers. It has an oily feel, like a kind of soot, and has a burnt smell. Calling to Llamri, he takes her bridle in hand, leading her to follow the tracks through the dust. Llamri walks alongside willingly.

The tracks he follows lead to a nearby stream. A stout staff lies along the bank, with more of the oily black powder scattered about. The damp ground reveals the footprints of several people who milled about. They led off deeper into the woods. Arthur follows the footprints, which ultimately lead to the edges of a Druid encampment. He halts for a moment before entering. His father has always persecuted the Druids. Arthur himself had led raids on their camps where many - including women and children - were killed. He isn't comfortable approaching the Druids now, alone, fearful of their magical powers. But they might have seen Merlin; he has to inquire. Squaring his shoulders, Arthur strides forward into the camp.

Someone among the Druids must have sensed or seen his approach, because before he gets too far into the encampment among the tents, a small group starts to walk toward him. He stops and waits as they come closer. He recognizes the leader of the group approaching, a tall man with waves of grey hair framing his face, wearing a dark blue robe. He is the Druid elder he had met when he brought the child Mordred back to the Druids a few years earlier. When they halt, the Druid elder is standing in the front of a small gathering of people in hooded robes with bowed heads. All are silent.

"I mean you no harm. As you can see, I have come alone," he says. "I am looking for my friend." Arthur speaks to the leader. "I am looking for a man who has gone missing from Camelot."

Emrys is standing behind Iseldir, the grey-haired man that Arthur recognized. He is facing Arthur, with his head bowed, his own face hidden in the folds of the hood of his cloak. "Arthur," he whispers upon hearing the familiar voice, reaching out with his hands in a small gesture of entreaty. "Arthur." No one hears but Iseldir.

"_Emrys, what is it? Do you remember_?"

"_Arthur, only Arthur. I must go with him_." A sudden thought strikes him, "_he cannot know about Emrys._" He doesn't understand why, but knows only that this is a secret that must be kept.

"Why do you think the man you seek is here, Prince Arthur Pendragon?" Iseldir asks.

Arthur says, "Merlin is the assistant to the court physician, and may have come to these woods to gather herbs. He's often wandered off. But he's been gone several days, and the physician is alarmed. Have you seen a young man who appeared to be lost?" Arthur is aware that his explanation is incoherent, but doesn't know how to explain why it is important to him to find Merlin.

"We did find a young man alone in the woods, injured and lost." Iseldir tells Arthur. "_Are you sure, Emrys_?" he asks in his mind for only Emrys to hear. "He did not know who he was or how he came to be there. Perhaps he is the young man you seek?"

"_Yes, I'm sure."_ Emrys responds; and he steps forward, pushing back his hood so that Arthur can see his face. "Arthur?" he says softly.

"Merlin!" Arthur is joyful, laughing out loud. "Thank the gods I've found you!"

"Is that my name? Merlin?" he asks.

"What the hell are you doing here among the Druids?"

"I don't know."

"What happened to you?"

"I don't know."

"How can you not know?"

"I don't remember." Merlin pauses, "Anything."

"Well, we're getting you home to Camelot. The sooner the better." Arthur says decisively. "Make your farewells."

Arthur doesn't consider the possibility that Merlin might not want to go to Camelot with him. He has to. He's his servant. One of the Druids approaches warily with a bundle of clothing in his arms – the clothing Merlin had been wearing when he was found. Merlin takes it and smiles a thank you to the young man.

"_Iseldir, I must go with him. Thank you for making me welcome and giving me a home_."

"_Goodbye, Emrys. We will meet again_."

"Yes, farewell, then." Merlin smiles at him and turns to face Arthur. "Ready."


	4. Chapter 4

Emrys Lost

Chapter 4

Arthur and Merlin arrive back in Camelot, home from the Druid camp. They leave Llamri with Tyr at the stables. "Well, you've got a break this time, Merlin. You don't have to tend to the horse," Arthur laughs.

Merlin looks puzzled. "Was that my job?"

"One of them." Arthur says with a smile. "Let's get you home."

"Home?" Arthur starts to lead him through the main gate into the citadel.

"Yes, with Gaius."

As they walk side by side through the main square, Merlin slows his steps and starts to tremble as they pass King Bruta's statue. His hand goes involuntarily to his throat, and tears form in his eyes as he looks around.

"What is it, Merlin? What do you remember?" Arthur stops to look at him.

"Executions," Merlin says, his voice full of fear and pain. "Many were killed here."

"Yes," Arthur says. "Do you remember seeing any?"

"No. I can feel it."

They reach Gaius's chambers without exchanging another word. Arthur is at a loss how to deal with this Merlin. He is passive, almost unresponsive. He wonders what kind of injury or experience could have caused this withdrawal. He doesn't appear to have any physical injuries, but this state of loss of memory - his loss of self - is troubling.

"Merlin, my boy! Thank the gods you're back. I was so worried." Gaius enfolds Merlin in a heartfelt hug. Merlin stands patiently, holding the bundle of his clothing. Gaius pulls back, puzzled. "What is it, Merlin?"

"He doesn't remember, Gaius," Arthur says. "He knows me, but that's it. And I'm not really sure he knows who I am, just that he recognizes me."

"What happened?"

"The Druids found him injured and lost in the forest of Essetir. He didn't know his name or how he came to be there," Arthur says. "Is there something you can do for him?"

"I don't know, Sire. I just don't know. Perhaps with time he'll remember. For now, we just need to introduce him to his old routines."

"Well, bring him to my chambers in the morning, and I'll have one of the other servants show him his duties." Arthur stops himself. "Is he well enough to work, do you think?"

"I'll examine him, but he does seem physically capable."

"He is so quiet and biddable. I could get used to this," Arthur says with a laugh. "Right, Merlin?"

"Sire?" Merlin says.

Arthur says, "Stay with Gaius, Merlin. You do know him; he is your guardian - and the court physician. He'll take care of you." Arthur reaches out and grabs Merlin's shoulder, giving it a squeeze and a small push towards Gaius. He looks at Gaius helplessly before he turns and leaves the room.

"My guardian?"

"Yes, Merlin." Gaius says to him. "Maybe your own room and belongings will trigger something." He leads Merlin up the stairs to his bedchamber. Gaius watches his movements and is relieved that Merlin seems to be physically well.

Merlin looks around, without recognition. He is uneasy with Arthur gone. "_How can I protect him if he leaves me here_?" He thinks.

xXx

The next morning, Merlin wakes in his own bed, and looks around with curiosity. It feels familiar, though he couldn't explain why. He gets out of bed, and crosses the room to the cupboard by the door, automatically taking down a clean blue tunic, trousers and a red scarf. After he dresses, and buckles on his boots, he wraps the kerchief around his neck as he descends the small staircase into the large room where Arthur had left him the night before. He shrugs into his jacket.

"Merlin," Gaius greets him, "did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you," he responds.

Gaius gives him a measuring look. "Sit. Have some breakfast."

Merlin sits on the stool at the table. Gaius put a bowl in front of Merlin and sits with his own porridge on the stool across from the younger man.

"What do you remember?" he asks gently, watching Merlin's face carefully as Merlin spoons the gruel into his mouth.

"Arthur. Only Arthur," Merlin answers, swallowing. "But I don't know how or why."

"You are his manservant."

"Is that why he came looking for me?" Merlin frowns. "Will I be punished for running away?"

"Did you? Run away, I mean?"

"I don't know. I don't remember being here before. I don't remember leaving. I don't remember who I am." Merlin is becoming agitated. "Why can't I remember?"

"I don't know. Something must have happened to you while you were gone. Maybe in time, your memories will come back to you."

Merlin leans forward, making a sweeping gesture with his hand intended to encompass the whole room, knocking a goblet of water off the table. "I don't remember any of this."

As he says this, it just happens. His eyes glow gold and the goblet's fall stops. A moment later the goblet is lifted slowly and placed back onto the table.

"Ah, so you do remember some things," Gaius says.

"Sorry. It just happens."

"You cannot let it happen, Merlin. No one can see you do things like that."

"Why not? I could do it in the Druid camp. I was learning to control it better, and growing stronger."

"It's magic. If anyone – even Arthur – sees that you have magic, you will be executed."

Merlin remembers the overwhelming sense of fear, pain and sorrow when he walked through the courtyard the day before. "I felt them," he says softly, "the people who were executed for magic. In the courtyard."

"Promise me, Merlin. You must be careful."

Merlin looks at Gaius in alarm. "But magic is all I do remember. It's all I have of me. Without it, I'm nothing." Gaius looks back at him sternly. Merlin swallows hard, looks down, and says despairingly, "no magic."

"Right. No magic. If you're finished your breakfast, I'll take you to Arthur's chambers now. He'll need you to get back to work and do your job."

xXx

"Gaius, come in," Arthur calls at Gaius's knock, seeing Gaius and Merlin in the doorway to his chambers. Merlin is hesitant as he enters, looking around. He's unsure what is expected of him. Gaius has told him that he is Arthur's manservant, but he doesn't remember any of it.

"Sire," Gaius says. "I've brought Merlin as you asked, but he will need to be reminded of his duties."

"Yes, but not today," Arthur answers with a big smile. "We're going hunting." He looks at Merlin to see his reaction, knowing full well that Merlin hates hunting. "Merlin, are you ready to go?"

"Erm, . . yes, Sire. Of course. I look forward to it."

Arthur smiles again. He could get used to this Merlin. "Well, then, let's go." He turns toward the door, grabbing Merlin's arm through his jacket to propel him out the door. Merlin looks helplessly back at Gaius as Arthur pulls him along, heading down the corridor.

A short while later, Arthur and Merlin are mounted and riding out of Camelot. They ride along the road for a few miles before turning off into the woods, Arthur in the lead. "Okay, Merlin, try to be quiet and don't frighten the deer before I shoot, like you normally do."

"Yes, Sire. I'll do my best."

"Let's dismount here, and make our way on foot. It will be quieter," Arthur says.

"Yes, Sire. What shall I do?"

"Tie up the horses, and follow me. Oh, and bring my crossbow and bolts."

"Yes, Sire." Merlin does as he's told, and creeps quietly behind Arthur as he makes his way through the trees, looking for signs that deer have passed through recently.

"Merlin, look," Arthur says quietly. "See where the branch is broken. Something came by here. Hand me the cross-bow, and move slowly."

"Yes, Sire," Merlin answers just as softly as he gives Arthur the crossbow and a bolt. He treads silently behind, out of the way. Arthur looks back at him and shakes his head in wonder: Merlin's following his orders.

Arthur sees a deer, raises his crossbow and fires. The deer is hit in his shoulder, but not fatally. He's a full-grown stag, with a large rack of antlers. Arthur motions to Merlin to pass him another bolt. Merlin does so, but in the moments that Arthur is distracted and reloading the crossbow, the stag charges, head down, straight for Arthur. A full on hit by the stag would surely injure or kill Arthur.

And then it just happens.

Without thinking, Merlin reacts, his eyes glowing; he raises his hand and releases his magic to stop the stag in his tracks. The deer collapses, its heart stopped, dead, a few feet in front of Arthur, the first bolt still lodged in the animal's shoulder. Merlin gasps as he realizes what he's done. He holds his breath fearfully anticipating Arthur's reaction to the use of magic.

Arthur, crossbow now at the ready, looks up and sees the fallen stag, and grins at Merlin in triumph.

"Ha ha! See, Merlin? I took him out with one bolt! What a lucky kill!"

"Yes, Sire," Merlin says, breathing again. "Lucky."


	5. Chapter 5

Emrys Lost

Chapter 5

Merlin has been back in Camelot for a few days, beginning to get accustomed to the routines of daily life in the castle. It's late afternoon, and he is standing at Gaius's workbench occupied with a mortar and pestle, humming tunelessly as he relaxes into the rhythm of his movements. One of Niniane's messenger pigeons flies from the table to the window and back again, landing on his shoulder now and then to coo in his ear. Gaius is reading at the table. The scent of a vegetable stew simmering over the cook-fire fills the air in the quiet room.

He had spent most of the past two days trailing a giggling serving girl who led him around, showing him what he needed to do and where everything was to enable him to do it. It all seemed a bit overwhelming, but she kept reassuring him that he did all of it - and more - on a daily basis.

"Though you did seem to spend a lot of your time just following after the prince," she laughed.

"How'd I get everything done, then?" He'd asked.

"Don't know. It always mystified the rest of us."

Now he is enjoying the warmth of the sun on his back and the breeze from the open window behind him. He is blending the ingredients for a potion Gaius devised, a stimulant he hoped would help restore Merlin's memories. Merlin is eager to try anything. He is frustrated at not knowing the people around him, and getting lost trying to find his way around the castle. He knows Arthur, sensing a link between them, and an insistent need to protect him. It doesn't make sense. Why recognize only this one person, and not remember even himself?

The breeze catches the edge of the parchment where the recipe is written and lifts it out of sight. He reaches out with his left hand to secure it and check the next step. Holding the paper down, he sees that some water is needed as the next ingredient in the process. He raises his right hand and a flagon of water rises and starts to float slowly across the room. The pestle continues to grind in the mortar, macerating its contents.

"Oi!" Gaius barks. "Merlin, stop that!" startling the younger man from his reverie. The flagon drops and the pestle stills.

"Sorry. I wasn't paying attention."

"Well, keep alert! If others were to see that . . ." Gaius fears the consequences to them both.

Merlin has fully recovered his magic, but has a childlike control over it. He doesn't remember any spells, or even that he has a book to teach him. Gaius has to keep reminding him to use his hands, as others do, not for magic. He cannot let it 'just happen.'

He needs to find a cure, and fast, to protect Merlin before he's caught and executed for having magic. Gaius shudders at the thought of the life of this loving, joyful young man being taken by Uther's decree. He's come to love Merlin like a son, and Merlin's inability to remember him hurts more than a little.

He hopes the stimulative potion he'd set Merlin to work on would wake up his mind to trigger memories. He thinks (hopes) that once the blockage in Merlin's mind is cleared, he will start to recall everything. That Merlin remembers Arthur, though not who or what he is, truth be told, is a positive sign. At least that's what Gaius keeps telling himself. There has always been a strong connection between the two, far beyond their master and servant relationship. Perhaps Arthur is the key to re-awaken Merlin's memories.

The boy has so much resting on his shoulders. Of course, Arthur has no knowledge of any of that, and now Merlin doesn't even remember. Gaius knows the price Merlin has had to pay to keep his magic secret, and the cost if it were revealed. His heart often aches for his ward.

He sighs, setting his book aside, and rises to check on the stew bubbling over the fire. "Supper's ready," he says.

xXx

Merlin is in the Lower Town of Camelot the next morning, hurrying back to the castle to get Arthur his lunch. He's just been to the Apothecary, where he dropped off a batch of cough remedy that Gaius concocted to be bottled and sold. He's learning his way around the town, although very little of it looks familiar. The potion that he made the day before under Gaius's guidance had done nothing to restore his memories.

He still feels lost, except when he is with Arthur. Could Arthur be this great future King of Albion the Druids meant in all their talk of prophesies? If they think so, it hardly seems likely to Merlin. Arthur appears to know nothing about any prophecies, and certainly knows nothing of Emrys, the supposedly great and powerful warlock that Merlin's supposedly destined to be. Merlin senses that Arthur still fears magic and the power it brings. He is still very much his father's son.

When walking through the courtyard on his return to Camelot, Merlin had sensed the suffering of the poor souls condemned to die by flame and blade, their agony lingering in the stones of the citadel. He's heard Gaius's warning that this would be his fate should his own magical nature be revealed. But magic and Arthur are the two certainties in his life. His magic is for Arthur, he knows this even if he knows nothing else; yet Arthur cannot know of his magic.

A sudden shout interrupts his thoughts. "Merlin!" He whirls around, looking for the man who shouted his name. He sees two burly men in rough homespun clothing approaching from the direction of the tavern. "There you are, you lazy idiot!"

"What?" Merlin says, looking from one to the other.

"You have a debt to repay, or have you forgotten?"

"A debt?" Merlin is puzzled. Gaius hadn't mentioned that he owed anyone money. He has none, anyway.

"Yeah," says the taller of the two, grabbing Merlin's arms in a firm grip. With a nod to his partner, the other man takes a swing at Merlin, hitting him solidly in his abdomen. Merlin's breath is forced out of him in a hard huff, as he bends over. A second blow coming up from below, hits him on his nose, which starts bleeding heavily, staining his tunic.

"You'd better show up tomorrow to work off your debt. As you agreed." The man holding Merlin lets go of his arms shoving him down to land on the ground hard on his knees.

"Show up where?" he asks looking up at his assailants.

"Don't play stupid," the man says with a kick. "The Rising Sun. Evoric told us to find you when you went missing for days." After a final kick, the two walk away.

Merlin lays there, his body curled in pain, trying to understand. After a while, he manages to stagger to his feet. He enters the gate to the citadel, crosses the courtyard to Gaius's chambers. He opens the door, "Gaius," he calls, seeing the old man bent over his workbench, his back to him.

"Merlin." Gaius is absorbed in his task and doesn't turn around. "Shouldn't you be attending Arthur now?"

"Gaius, please help me."

"What is it?" Gaius gasps when he finally looks back at Merlin standing at the doorway, leaning against the jamb, his nose still bleeding. "What happened?"

"I was reminded of a debt to be repaid," Merlin says. "I can't go to Arthur looking like this. Please, can you tell him I'm ill?"

Gaius rushes over to him, and lets Merlin lean on him as he guides him to a stool to check on his injuries. He wets a cloth from the washing bowl and dabs it on Merlin's nose, washing away the blood, and pressing gently. "Hold your head back," Gaius says. "I don't think it's broken. What debt?"

"MERLIN!" Arthur's voice rings out from the corridor, moments before the door crashes open. "Where are you? Have you forgotten your duties already?" Arthur is in the room before Merlin can react or move.

"_Too late,"_ Merlin thinks. "I'm sorry, Sire. I was waylaid," he says, holding the cloth to his nose.

Arthur notices the injury to Merlin's face and the blood on Merlin's tunic. "What happened to you?"

"A couple of thugs thought I owed a debt, and they reminded me that it's due."

"A debt?"

"At The Rising Sun?" Merlin says uncertainly.

"Ah," Arthur says, nodding with his hand on his chin. "Gwaine's bar bill,"

"Who? What?"

"Let's just say that you had agreed to work at the tavern to pay off a friend's debt." Arthur frowns at him. "Will you be all right?"

Merlin nods. "I'll be okay."

"Good. You'll need to be. You can have the morning off tomorrow – to go to The Rising Sun to work so you can pay off Gwaine's debt. After you fetch my breakfast, that is."

"That's what you consider time off? Going to work another job?"

"You'll make it up," Arthur says.

Merlin glares at him. Arthur smiles.


	6. Chapter 6

Emrys Lost

Chapter 6

The next morning, Merlin shows up at The Rising Sun. The bar room is silent and dark when he pushes open the door. "Hello?" he calls out.

"We're closed yet. Don't open until two," he hears a voice call out from the back room.

"It's Merlin? You sent me a message to show up today?"

The innkeeper Evoric, a large beefy man with close cropped graying hair, comes into the main room through a door at the back, wiping his hands on a dirty towel, which he then tucks into the tie of his apron.

"Where've you been, Merlin? I heard you were lost."

"I am."

"But then you were back, but you didn't show up for work." The older man looks sharply at Merlin, still standing in the light of the open doorway, the injury to his nose evident. "Did my boys do that?"

"Yeah. I didn't know I was expected here."

"I'm sorry. They may have been too emphatic in their delivery."

"Can you tell me what I owe? And why?"

"Your friend Gwaine entertained a whole group of his new friends when he was here. You said that Prince Arthur would pay the bill, but he refused. Remember that?"

Merlin shakes his head no. "I don't remember any of it."

"Well, you told Prince Arthur that you'd pay Gwaine's bar bill. And so you were working it off. A few months to go yet." Evoric motions to him to come in. "Get to work."

Merlin sighs, and shakes his head again as he enters the room. What else does he have to discover before he can find himself again?

xXx

"My father has summoned me to dine with him tonight," Arthur tells Merlin as he strides down the corridor with Merlin trailing a half-step behind. "Your job on these occasions is to serve the food if there are no other servants present, and stand behind me to make sure that I have everything I need." Arthur turns to face Merlin, with his finger raised. "Oh, and that my goblet is kept filled."

Merlin nods. He's had a long day. After completing his tasks at The Rising Sun, he spent the afternoon running around Camelot on various errands for Gaius. He'd only just arrived at Arthur's chambers to help Arthur divest himself of his armor and mail after training when a page came with his father's invitation to dine.

When they reach the doors to the council room, the guards admit them with slight bobs of the head to Arthur. Uther is seated at the head of the table at the far end of the room. As the two young men walk the length of the room, Arthur whispers to Merlin, "bow."

Merlin looks at him, puzzled, and halts his steps, and bows to Arthur. "Not to me, you idiot," Arthur hisses, cuffing Merlin on the back of his head. "To the King,"

"Oh. Right. Of course." Merlin faces Uther and bends his head. Uther frowns at him and takes a drink from the goblet held in his gloved hand.

"Arthur," he says, gesturing to the chair at the table to his right. "Please sit."

"Will Morgana be joining us for dinner?"

"No, she begged off with a headache. Just as well. I have a matter that I wish to discuss with you that needn't concern her."

A kitchen servant arrives with a tray of food, and hands it to Merlin. Merlin looks around unsure what to do. Arthur looks back over his shoulder and makes a circling gesture with his hand. "Serve the food," he mouths.

Merlin nods, comprehension dawning, and moves to the table, holding the tray between Uther and Arthur. Uther gives him a sharp look and helps himself to some meat from the tray. After Arthur has taken some meat, Merlin places the tray at the end of the table.

Arthur reaches for some bread in the salver on the table in front of him, and looks pointedly at the wine carafe, then stares at Merlin. Twice. Merlin finally gets the message and reaches for the carafe, and pours the wine. He steps back a few paces behind Arthur's chair, holding the carafe, ready to serve.

"What is it you wanted to discuss, Father?" Arthur asks, swallowing a mouthful of bread.

"We've had reports of some unusual activity, from, ah, travelers in the Kingdom," Uther says.

Arthur raises an eyebrow, and says, "yes? What kind of activity?"

"There are reports of a powerful sorcerer staying with the Druids in their village in the Forest of Essetir."

"Oh? Has he made any threats against Camelot?"

"No, but I cannot tolerate the presence of a powerful sorcerer this close to Camelot. Magic is always a threat to the Kingdom."

"Father, the Druids are a peaceful people. I cannot imagine that they would attack Camelot."

"They kidnapped Morgana a few years ago," Uther reminds him, pointing his finger at Arthur over the edge of his wine glass.

"_No, they didn't_," Merlin thinks. "_She wanted to be there_."

Before Merlin can puzzle out how he knows this, Arthur leans forward in his chair, gesturing with his hand, "but we drove them out."

"This must be a new group. Still, we cannot take the chance that they won't attempt something like that again," Uther insists. "Arthur, I want you to take a group of knights to the Forest of Essetir and capture this sorcerer to bring him to stand trial here and face execution for the crime of sorcery."

"Essetir is in Cenred's kingdom. We cannot just ride in and raid a Druid village like that. He'd see it as an act of war."

"Not if you take only a few knights, and move with stealth and speed."

"Very well, Father," Arthur says, resigned. " We'll ride out there tomorrow at dawn."

"And Arthur. Just make sure you capture that sorcerer. Use whatever force is necessary."

Father and son are both startled at the sound of a metallic clang and turn around to locate its source. They see Merlin squatting down to the floor to pick up the carafe of wine he'd dropped, the wine puddling around his feet.

"Is there something the matter with your servant, Arthur?" Uther asks. "If so, he can easily be replaced."

"No, Father. He's just a clumsy idiot."

"I can see that."

xXx

After the dinner with his father, Arthur is striding down the hall toward his room, his mouth in a tight line, with Merlin trailing behind when the door to Morgana's chambers opens unexpectedly.

"Arthur," she says.

"Morgana! Are you well?"

"Yes. I didn't want to dine with Uther. I knew what he wanted to discuss." She notices Merlin standing behind Arthur. Merlin stares at Morgana, knowing that he's thought her name.

"Merlin, can you not find something you need to do?" she says.

"Yes, Merlin," Arthur echoes. "Go finish your chores, and attend me later."

"Yes, Sire." He glances back at her as he starts to walk down the corridor. He senses something vaguely threatening about her, and shivers involuntarily as he walks away. His own reaction to the menace he senses surprises him. He feels fear to be sure. But why does he feel guilt? He glances back again, catching her glaring at him. What had he done? Camelot holds many secrets, many threats.

"Arthur," she says again, grabbing his arm. "Do you really think it's necessary to raid the Druid encampment again?"

"My father has insisted on it. He's heard of a powerful sorcerer who could be a threat to Camelot."

"Nonsense, they are peaceful and would not attack us."

"Have you forgotten that you were kidnapped by the Druids, Morgana?" He asks.

"Ah, um . . . but they treated me kindly while I was there," she replies. "I don't think this is right."

"I have to go."

xXx

"Merlin, when you were with the Druids, did you hear talk of a powerful sorcerer?" Arthur's voice comes from behind the changing screen as Merlin kneels before the fire to prepare it for the night.

Merlin is surprised by the question. "Well, you know the Druids, they're always going on about prophecies and such. There were probably one or two about great warlocks or something that they talked about." Merlin rises to his feet as he answers.

Arthur laughs as he walks towards his bed. "No doubt. But did you see a powerful sorcerer there?"

"No, I didn't see any." Merlin takes a deep breath. "My Lord, must you go? The Druids are peaceful and mean no harm to Camelot. I'm sure of it," he says anxiously.

"My father has commanded it. I have to," Arthur answers, ending the discussion. "Leave my cross bow and bolts on the table, where I can grab them in the morning."

Merlin shudders. "Yes, Sire."

After Arthur dismisses him for the night, Merlin quietly slips out of the citadel. He makes his way through the lower town to the eastern gate for the road to take him back to the Forest of Essetir. He's got a long walk ahead of him and must hurry if he is to get there in time to warn the Druids to run to safety from the coming attack.

In the past few days, as he's struggled with the complexities of his life in Camelot, Merlin's thought more than once of returning to the safety and peacefulness of the Druid village. He would find contentment there, among the Druids, he knew, perhaps even be welcomed into their community. But . . . "_There's always a but_," he thinks to himself. But. . . Arthur. Arthur, to whom he is linked in prophecy. His destiny.

He walks steadily in the dark, wrapping his arms around himself to try to keep warm in the cool night air. He sends out his thoughts to try to reach Iseldir, but gets back nothing. The eastern sky is brightening by the time he reaches the valley where the Druid camp is set. He finds nothing. Apart from the cold ashes of a few cook-fires scattered around, it's as if the camp had never been there.

He stands lost and alone where the Healer's tent had been and wonders to himself, "_where have they gone?"_

"_To the caves, Emrys. We are safe_." Hearing Iseldir's voice floods him with relief as he turns around, to start his long walk back to Camelot.

He's long gone before Arthur and his knights arrive to find the valley deserted.

Arthur is inexplicably relieved when he turns his horse to head back to Camelot without having found the Druids. "_Morgana will be pleased_," he thinks. But he knows that he faces a difficult conversation with his father when he tells him the Druids – and this powerful sorcerer - are gone. His father will not be pleased.


	7. Chapter 7

Emrys Lost

Chapter 7

Later that day, after his return from the abandoned Druid village and an angry conversation with his father, Arthur is seated at his large table absorbed in studying some maps and other documents strewn about. He has his own theories as to where the Druids had gone, though he'd told his father that the Druids had vanished and that it was likely they would not be able to find them easily. He knows his father will send spies out to seek out their new encampment. Until then, he's thankful that he does not need to seek them out again himself. He doesn't want any more of that blood on his hands again.

Merlin knocks on the door to Arthur's chambers. He hears Arthur's tired voice behind the closed door, "enter." He opens the door and steps into the room, holding a basket with Arthur's clean laundry to be put away.

"Ah, Merlin. So glad you've finally learned to knock."

"Sire?"

Arthur sighs at Merlin's reply to his jibe. He misses the old Merlin. Arthur rises from his chair, sorting the documents into a few neat piles, preparing to leave the room.

"Before you take care of the laundry, I need you to get rid of that bee that found its way inside."

Merlin sets down the basket and crosses the room to the window Arthur had gestured to. He's opening it to release the bee, when the bee flies into his face buzzing madly. Suddenly, he's engulfed again. The swarm. The evil.

Arthur is at the door about to leave the room when he hears a cry from Merlin, a dull thud and the clashing sound of the stand with the halberds near the fireplace crashing to the floor. He turns around, hand on the door latch, and sees Merlin curled into himself on the floor, his eyes squeezed shut, screaming in terror. Arthur runs to him at the window, looking on helplessly as Merlin appears to be trapped in a terrible nightmare.

"Excalibur!" Merlin shrieks in a voice not quite his own, but louder, deeper, more resonant, holding out his arms, reliving some unnamable horror.

"Excalibur!" he had shouted in the woods when he had confronted the swarm. The stick he had been clutching when he encountered the swarm has become a sword: beautiful, heavier than any others he'd held. The sword was for Arthur; he knew it at once. "A sword forged with my assistance will have great power," the dragon had said, he remembered. Merlin looked at it closely and saw the inscription carved in the gold _'Take me up_,' he read. He could read it, though he did not recognize the language.

He lifted his eyes, terrified, to the swarm of black insect-like creatures before him. In the center he saw the indistinct outline of the figure he knew he had to destroy. Only this sword had the power to kill it, the dragon had told him last night. And it was down to him alone to do it. "_I can't go in there_," he thought. "_I can't take that pain again_."

This evil swarm brought back all of the terror he had experienced as a child, at the hands of some bullies. He and Will had been sitting together, fishing at the lake near Ealdor, when he heard the familiar singsong taunt:

_ "Merlin, Merlin_

_ Belongs in a dustbin._

_ Throw him out!_

_ Toss him in!"_

Suddenly, the two boys were engulfed in a swarm of wasps that the older boys had released by striking their nest. "Run, Will!" Merlin had shouted, "into the water."

The angry wasps surrounded him stinging wherever they could find a scrap of flesh. Merlin curled in on himself, desperately holding in his magic because he knew the boys were watching and laughing. His mother had warned him again and again that he had to keep that secret safe from everyone - even from Will; she made him promise. The swarm finally dispersed, leaving him crying in pain, from the stings he knew covered his body.

Will had run, to fetch Merlin's mother. She raced to his side, and helped him stand. She and Will half walked, half carried him to his home. He was delirious for a week crying in pain as the poisons from the stings were flushed out of his body. He almost died, his mother told him. The memory of the childhood attack from the wasp swarm had given him nightmares for years.

And here in the woods all alone, armed with the sword, he had to step into another swarm willingly to reach and kill the black shape inside that appeared to control the multitude of small black swarming bodies. "_What are they_?" He wondered. They were so like the wasps, yet somehow much worse. He felt evil magic radiating from them as they buzzed and swirled around the black shape. From what the dragon had told him, the swarm would engulf and destroy Camelot if he didn't stop it. He had to venture into the midst of the swarm to reach the figure he could barely see. And destroy it with his magic and the sword.

He drew a deep breath and stepped forward, holding the sword in his outstretched arm. Instantly the buzzing stinging surging mass surrounded him. The stings hurt and burned as they penetrated his skin. He fell to his knees under the force of the onslaught. "_Kill him_!" He heard in the buzzing noise surrounding his head. "_Destroy Emrys!_" He was on all fours, crawling toward the shape, barely able to see through the black swirls in front of him. His terror was choking him, strangling him, making it difficult to breathe.

Merlin's only thought was that he somehow had to find the strength to do this. If the swarm reached Camelot, how many lives would be lost? It felt like the swarm was a living mass bent on blind destruction. His magic did little to protect him from the attacks all over his body, but he had to move forward. And he did. As he neared the shape, its command to kill Emrys grew stronger and more insistent, and the onslaught from the swarm intensified. He started to swing the sword blindly, hoping to hit some of the bodies surrounding him.

Merlin had to reach deep into his magic to find the strength to struggle to his feet as he neared the heart of darkness at the center of the swarm. He stood, firmly planted his feet, and took a back swing with the sword and sliced it forward, releasing the full power of all of his magic against the thing controlling the small flying bodies. When the sword connected, the evil within exploded with a blast like thunder inside and around his head, and all of the creatures disintegrated into a fine oily black powder. His ears rang and started to bleed as he fell over, twisting from the momentum of his swing, his magic depleted, unconscious on the ground in a small clearing of the forest.

Merlin screams again as he relives the terror of the swarm, the evil. In Arthur's chambers, Arthur crouches at Merlin's side, and tries to grab hold of Merlin's twisting and shaking body. Merlin lashes out with his arms, his two hands locked together as if he is wielding a broadsword. His swing knocks Arthur off balance and he falls to the floor. Merlin is crying, his eyes still squeezed shut, his face contorted in remembered pain.

"Merlin!" Arthur calls out, back at Merlin's side. "What is it? Merlin, speak to me!"

Merlin starts to shudder and his sobs begin to lose their frantic violence. Arthur hunkers next to him on the floor under the window, putting a hand on Merlin's shoulder. After a while, Merlin's tears slow, and he opens his eyes.

"Arthur," he says, pulling away. "I'm sorry. Oh, gods, I hit you! Are you hurt?"

"Merlin, what happened?" Arthur asks as he releases Merlin from his grasp, and leans back against the wall to sit facing him on the floor.

It all comes rushing back: who he is, what he is, why he is. His destiny. His magic. "I remember."

And he remembers the more recent events: the dragon calling him, the threat from the sorcerer, the journey he didn't expect to take, and the battle with the evil within the swarm with the magical sword. But what can he tell Arthur now, at this moment, when he's only just starting to hiccup and calm after his frantic sobbing fear?

Arthur stands up by the window, leaning down to help a shaking Merlin to his feet. Arthur takes a seat at his table, and gestures to Merlin to sit across from him, pushing the flagon of water and a goblet closer to Merlin. Merlin sits. He nods his thanks to Arthur and takes a drink.

"Tell me," Arthur commands.

"I'm all right now, Sire, thank you."

"Merlin, you are not 'all right'; you were screaming in terror." Arthur insists impatiently "What was that word you shouted?"

"I don't know what it means."

"Why were you so terrified? What happened?"

"I remember being engulfed by a swarm of wasps in the forest, and it awoke memories of a similar incident when I was a boy. It was nightmarish, terrifying. I was in so much pain from the stings all over me." Merlin says, settling for a half-truth and concealing the true extent of his memories. "I must have blacked out."

"You blacked out everything. How can that be?"

"I don't know. I feel foolish to be frightened by a bee! Please forgive me, Sire. I'm fine. It doesn't matter now." He shakes his head.

"What were you doing in the forest in the first place?" Arthur questions.

"I don't remember that," Merlin lies. He cannot tell Arthur this.

"What do you remember?"

"Camelot." Merlin says. "Everything."

"You're back." Arthur says, relaxing back in his chair. "Good. Because I have some chores for you to do."


	8. Chapter 8

Emrys Lost

Chapter 8

"The Dragon called me to him, Gaius." Merlin and Gaius are sitting at the table near the cooking fire in Gaius's chambers, with their full dinner bowls steaming in front of them, untouched. "I had to go. I'm sorry that I didn't let you know I was going."

"You had me so worried, Merlin." Gaius says.

"I know. I'm sorry. But the Dragon's need was urgent."

"The dragon?"

"He called me."

"How?"

"In my head. I know, I know. I'm the dragonlord. But it was urgent. I didn't even have time to come back and tell you. It was the middle of the night. I had to leave immediately."

"Where did you go?"

"First, to meet the dragon in the meadow outside Camelot. You know, where Arthur led the knights to try to kill him when he was attacking Camelot?"

Gaius nods. "What was it he wanted?"

"He told me that a black swarm of evil was headed to Camelot, a spell cast by a powerful sorcerer, Malus. I encountered him before,* at the Citadel of Daelbeth, when we went to Londinium last year." Merlin shivers at the memory of the threats that Malus had made when he was choking Merlin in the woods. He was looking for Emrys. At that time, the sound of Arthur approaching had startled Malus into releasing Merlin from his grasp. Malus had disappeared, and all Arthur saw was Merlin on his knees gasping for breath under a tree.

"Malus created a swarm out of soot and dirt and blood. He unleashed it so that it would first devour the life force of the inhabitants of the Druid encampment in the Forest of Essetir to gain strength before taking on Camelot. He knew that only powerful magic could defeat it, so he waited to see who would come." Merlin pauses in his tale to take a drink. "The dragon sent me, told me that I was the only one who could destroy the swarm to save Camelot."

"A swarm?"

"Yes. Like wasps or bees, but so much worse. There was evil in there. I could hear it, screaming for my death." Merlin looks down at the table and shakes his head. "I was so scared. But I had to go in there."

"Oh, Merlin." Gaius reaches out and puts his hand on Merlin's arm in comfort.

"It brought back the memory of a swarm of wasps that attacked when I was little. Gods! It was horrible. It hurt more than anything I every experienced."

"So, what did you do?"

"The dragon gave me the power to summon a weapon; I was able to conjure it from a staff with a word. The stick of wood became a magical sword. I've seen it before." Merlin pauses. "It was forged for Arthur, but I was able to wield it." He takes another drink of water before continuing. "It was powerful. I could feel it. It destroyed the creature Malus had conjured in a fearsome explosion. I couldn't hear for days. I exhausted all of my magic to kill it and protect myself; and I blacked out. I lost who I was."

"Was that when the Druids found you?"

"I think so. They must have heard the noise. They found me and cared for me. They took me in." Merlin looks up at Gaius. "They called me Emrys."

"Emrys?"

"I've heard that name before. Mordred told me that among his people, that was my name. I remember that now. At the time when they found me, I didn't know who – or what I was. They told me of prophecies about 'The Once and Future King' – and Emrys."

"Yes, there are stories, Merlin."

"The dragon always said that my destiny lay with Arthur's. I guess that's what they meant. But I'm not this all-powerful warlock. I don't know if I can be who they think I am."

"You can, Merlin. Arthur will always need you. Whether he knows it or not."

Merlin huffs in disbelief. "I may have destroyed this threat with the swarm, but Malus is still out there, and he will try again." He looks at Gaius with fear in his eyes.

"You will defeat him, Merlin. Don't ever doubt your ability." Merlin shakes his head, and looks up at Gaius, wishing he could share his confidence.

"The dragon said that Malus wanted to destroy Camelot to punish Uther for the killings in the great purge. When will this end, Gaius? This endless cycle of fear and hate?"

"I'm not sure it ever will." Gaius says. "Uther's hate has taken the lives of so many."

"And so many more have died at the hands of those trying to destroy Uther." Merlin says. "This time, I was able to prevent it."

Merlin studies his hands, flat on the table in front of him before looking up at Gaius again. "But you know that this was more for Malus than retribution for others' deaths at Uther's hands."

Merlin pauses again.

"He's after Emrys. He's found me. He wants to destroy me."

END

* * *

See "The Runaway Servant" by Nantasyland for Merlin's previous encounter with Malus.


	9. Chapter 9

Emrys Lost

Epilogue

The threat of the swarm was a close call and the experience gave Merlin nightmares for weeks. Sometimes, he just doesn't want to remember who he is. But it's all come back. And he feels that the threats to Arthur and the fulfillment of his destiny are becoming that much closer.

He will do all he can to be prepared to the next magical threat to attack Camelot. But what Merlin didn't expect is that the next threat would be a matter of the heart. Arthur is being committed to a marriage arranged by his father to a princess who is a changeling. She's inhabited by a fairy by the Sidhe who hope to install one of their own as queen in Camelot. Merlin knows this and he knows he must do everything he can to force the fairy out of the princess.

Earlier that night, he had complained to Gaius that he didn't know anything about the Sidhe magic that would be needed force the fairy out of the princess. Gaius had given him a book to read, but he had not found the answer. After Gaius went to bed, Merlin waited until he heard steady snores from the main room. Now he can go. He dresses quickly, and leaves his chambers making his way to the library. Geoffrey of Monmouth will not be there, he assumes, so he should easily be able to access the secret chamber in the library's east wing.

With a quick spell, Merlin opens the locked door to the library proper. He had stumbled into a hidden chamber several months ago, at the time of the unfortunate incident with the goblin. He's careful now not to open any unusual looking containers lest he unwittingly release another magical creature to wreak havoc in Camelot. As comical as some of the goblin's pranks were, Merlin came close to execution when he was accused of sorcery. His stomach clenches in fear at the memory. "I've really got to think of something else," he chides himself aloud.

He ignites a few candles and settles down to read the magic books that had been hidden away in the room. He's found many in the past few months, and has hidden them on the shelves behind the stone dog. The books have given him hours of reading and study, unbeknownst even to Gaius. No one can find him when he's in the secret chamber, and he can safely lose himself in magic.

Tonight he has a sense of urgency. He needs to learn as much as he can about Sidhe magic to find a spell free Princess Elena from the power of the Sidhe. He is willing to do what he must. But he cannot imagine the terrible cost he will have to pay for his actions.

After a few hours' reading, his eyes are beginning to feel like they'd fall right out of their sockets. He rubs them and then closes the book he just searched. It must be morning already, and time to head back to Gaius's rooms, he realizes. Maybe the physician will have better luck in finding something, anything to force the fairy from the princess.

* * *

A/N: This adventure continues in "The Power of the Mighty Sidhe" by Nantasyland.


End file.
